Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
