it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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