My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
