No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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