yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
