I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
