I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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