what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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