dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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