Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
