oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
