____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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