Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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