He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
