I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
