so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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