On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
