dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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