This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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