she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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