And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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