what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am spending my child support on dildos
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
