how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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