idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
