dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
