I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
