They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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