tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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