Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
