Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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