we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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