If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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