Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
