I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
