Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
did you just send me my own nude
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
