he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
