walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
