I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
