Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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