Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
