I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
