Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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