i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
