Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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