i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
