look no pants
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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