drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
