You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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