i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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