Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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