My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
being pregnant is like rehab
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
