Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
