You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
