My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
