Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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