Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
