My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
