he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
